It’s amazing how habits can become instinct.
Here I am at the midtown MARTA station; I exit the train and head the long way around just to take the escalator. Halfway there I realized that I made a promise to myself to take the steps, and at that moment I thought ‘well I will take the steps next time.’ A few seconds later, there I stood in front of a broken escalator looking up at the 20 or more steps and laughing at myself.
At the very beginning of my journey I was ready to give up on a tiny little victory. I know had that escalator been up and running, I would have loathed myself by the end of that ride. Lucky for me reality was there waiting with a big slap in the face. Proving to me how out of shape I actually am cos’ I walked up those steps, and yes I was a tab bit out of breathe when I reached the top. It is a little sad, but I also did give birth to twins eight months ago. This is not an excuse, but it does make me feel a little better about it. ;)
I have learned that for me change works better if I do it a little bit at a time. To fail at something small is easier to come back from than failing at something big. I will be going for my first run on Nov. 29th and it should be quite interesting. Running use to be my vice my addiction, now I am terrified of the thought. I do believe that it is more of the failure I am afraid of, and I do expect to drop the ball along the way. But for the past two years my life has been going steadily downhill, and this is an attempt to push it and the boulder size luggage that I carry back up that hill with me.
In a few months I hope to be writing about how running has become habit and instinct and no more fears will plague my heart. But for now I will learn the lessons in the tiny victories and little failures that I bump into on my way back up the hill.
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