Lift your head out of the water and take in that first breath, hear the stillness, hear the silence

Drowning that is what the past few months have been like, actually the past year and a half. But only recently have I hit the climax of it all. And I was able to at least stick my head above the water.

See the beauty within your pain. I have a tattoo on my body to remind me of that every single day of the rest of my life. 

Yet in past few months I have been so lost and confused I couldn't see anything. I have been forced to not be who I really am but to be this person that just makes the ones around me comfortable. 

FAKE

If I had a marker; that is what I would have written in my reflection. So that every time I would catch a glimpse I would be reminded.

After all of these countless dreams I have been having I woke up one day and realized I was done. No more. I will be me. It turns out the real me inside had absolutely nothing to say. NOTHING and I didn't care. 

I'd rather sit in awkward silence than to pretend anymore.

I believe if I get down the the core of who I really am, in the end my true self will be one thing and one thing only.

REAL 

I get it. Some people would rather live their life just skimming the surface instead of getting deep, down, and dirty. 

Even though I have nothing, I am overjoyed and happy, because I know with every breath I take I am not trying to hide, or cover up. I am not afraid to see my flaws and do the horrible job of fixing them to make me a better person. In these 27 years I have lived so far I have seen countless number of people who had all that they needed and most of all they wanted. Except they were sad. A few people have even been so lost in their sadness they wouldn't even acknowledge the reason why they were unhappy with simple things like their job, the town they lived in, or their peers. Nothing was good enough. I made a promise to myself that no matter how hard things get, I will always do the pain staking job of figuring out what was wrong.

Now I know and everyone around me knows that I am battling a bout with depression. There is no reason to hide from it because it is here, and there were a few times I let it consume me drag me down. I kept kicking and fighting. Now even though I am not nearly done with this battle, there is one word that has come into my life like Prince Charming riding in on his lovely steed.

SOLACE